Purple Daze Page 6
Got a damned bill though, forwarded from
the telephone company.
Missing everyone, Phil
P.S. Did you hear about the bed-wetting Klansman who went to his meeting in a rubber sheet?
Mickey
USS Hermitage LSD-34 Lost at Sea
Dear Cheryl,
Does Don feel like a big man with his pot?
That bastard still hasn’t written. It’s a shame, too.
I’ve got so much stuff to tell him. Stuff you just
can’t tell a girl.
I went to New York last weekend. I got
drunk on top of the Empire State Building
with a girl.
We threw paper planes off it.
Love, Mickey
P.S. I still have 9 letters to write tonight.
Ziggy won’t be one of them.
P.I.S.S. Has she lost any weight?
Ziggy
My first word wasn’t
Momma or Dadda like most kids.
Bubba,
because I couldn’t say brother.
Hey, Bubba?
It’s still just you and me!
Suggestion Box Room 206
I didn’t put a note in the box before because I thought it was a big joke. But I noticed the Hall Pass is now kept in an envelope by the door. Can we get a pencil sharpener that doesn’t break off the lead?
Believer
Maybe we could trade clothes sometime?
Your Fan
I suggest you use this box for a piñata.
No Dummy
I like all animals because they don’t yell at you or tell you what to do. Maybe we could have a class pet? A gerbil or snake?
The Listener
Can we change seats after mid-terms?
Serious Student
Here Lies Bored-to-Death
Thanks with particular gratefulness for allowing extra credit due to the circumstantial occurrence of my parents late-nocturnal-shift employment, which necessitated babysitting chaperone duties over my youngest sibling. I absorbed your library suggestion and savored the drawings depictions of sheeps as homo sapiens even if it wasn’t a comic book.
Always Late
Phil
Hi Doll,
I get $20 every 15 days. I put $10
in my wallet for the 30-day leave
I’ll have when I get out of here.
The other $10 is for smokes and beer.
Beer is only 15 cents a can
and most of the time it’s free.
Schlitz or Pabst Blue Ribbon.
Does the job though.
What has the Navy done for Mickey?
They say the service changes everyone.
One thing for sure, Nam is changing me.
I’ve never been so goddamn horny in my whole life.
Luvya, Phil
P.S. I’ll be a Lance Corporal soon.
P.P.S. I’ll drink an extra beer for you tonight.
P.P.P.S. Maybe I should send Nancy some USO
stationery and a few pens.
Nancy
* Love, a losing game
One I wish I never played
Gamblers never win
* Haiku: Ms. Hawes’s class
Mickey
USS Hermitage LSD-34 Puerto Rico
Dear Cheryl,
One of the guys wants to write
a couple of lines for the hell of it:
Hey Babe,
I would very much like to take you
out when we are on the West Coast.
Mickey has told me all about you and I
think we could have a nice time together.
It will be sometime in April
so sa veadate for me o.k.?
Well, guess I’ve said enough
so here’s Mickey.
P.S. Be sure and save a kiss for me.
His name is Teague but we call him
Narcissus. If you don’t know who
that is look it up in Greek mythology.
He’s from Texas and all.
Please don’t listen to the Mick because
I’m not really conceited because
conceit is a fault and I have no faults.
He said to say that he’s really good-looking.
Sad isn’t it?
Love, Mickey
P.S. Thanks for the fudge.
Phil
Hi Cheryl,
How are things?
I’m sitting in my hole,
trying to stay awake,
wondering where the war is.
I’ve learned two things:
Never take off your boots
unless you’re showering.
Never turn in your M-16 once
it’s drawn from the armory.
Well, I ain’t visited a shower in days.
Think I’ll risk it. Gunther has hotel soap from
his leave in Thailand. It smells like pretty girls,
warm feelings.
As always _________ _________ !!! Phil
P.S. Marines requisition about anything,
even Kotex. Great bandages, helmet pads,
slathering BBQ sauce on pigs.
Ziggy
Another Colt-45 goes on the pyramid
in the corner of Bubba’s living room.
Bet there’s a thousand of them stacked
on each other, aluminum acrobats.
Bubba opens a tidy roll of wax paper,
pinches dried green stuff,
sprinkles it on a Zig Zag,
rolls it smooth,
twists the ends.
“Wanna try some?”
“Why not?”
Being a good brother,
he talks me through the steps,
even though I’ve seen him smoke endless joints.
I focus on the red-glow tip, choking
back fried apple pies from McDonald’s.
“Far out.”
Bubba tickles me till I pee my pants.
Phil
Dear Cheryl,
There are two types of warriors here,
classified by drugs.
Drunks destruct in alcohol, fighting among themselves.
Potheads rely on marijuana, peaceful and agreeable.
You can tell a Head by their smokes.
Never flip-top boxes. Always soft packs,
opened from the bottom.
A carton of Kools, $2.50.
Mama San skillfully rolls each cigarette
between her palms—tobacco tumbles—
replacing with high-grade marijuana.
The new cigarettes are tapped back in their packs.
Each one stacked in its carton. All for $10. A $12.50
investment yields 200 mentholated marijuana cigarettes.
I carry a pack in my shirt pocket,
lighting up here, there, everywhere.
Miss you, Phil
P.S. Don’t believe Johnson when he says
counterinsurgency in the countryside
is winning the “hearts and minds”
of peasants. Bullshit!
Mickey
USS Hermitage LSD-34 Pussy Patrol
Don—
Last week we landed on this small island.
The native women were topless. Man, you
should’ve heard the cheers from our ship!
So the damned chaplain passed out Navy T-shirts.
Here’s the kicker:
the women cut holes in front for their tits,
no shit.
“The Mick”
P.S. Did you know Cheryl writes really bitchin’ letters?
Let me know if you aren’t gonna write, so I can
stop wasting government stationery.
Ziggy
I wrote Ms. Hawes a note so she’d know we
learned the difference between lie and lay
in elementary school—that the stupid questions
about chickens getting laid are from jerk-of
fs.
I scribbled the who’s-your-best-friend essay
with a busted pencil because that’s all I had.
Ms. Hawes didn’t make me copy it over in ink.
She’s the only teacher who makes me feel like a
real person. Most of the teachers here haven’t
bothered to learn my name.
Phil
Hey there, Cheryl,
I love your letters about what’s happening
back there, especially the homey little phrases.
I’m enclosing a shot of myself behind a
50-caliber machine gun. This machine killed
13 VC 3 nights ago.
We drink beer constantly and most of the time
we’re half lit. If I quit drinking it’ll be because
I stopped a bullet.
I can shave my arm with my knife without a nick.
That 6-inch blade is sharper than any razor.
Later—Phil
P.S. I sure miss the sweet aroma of my mom
frying bacon on a Sunday morning.
Mickey
USS Hermitage LSD-34 Non-Virgin Islands
Dear Cheryl,
Congratulations on your grades and all. If
everybody keeps up their grades maybe our
crowd will make something of their selves.
Next week we’re going to Jamaica.
They have legalized prostitution there.
I’m not the type to buy it, but betcha I do.
I won $28 playing cards last night,
no kidding.
Love, Mickey
P.S. I fell asleep on the flight deck for 2 hours
and have the most bitchin’ tan on my face.
Cheryl
Don said we should invite Ziggy to see the new Beatles movie Help!
because it’s supposed to be funny and Ziggy could stand cheering up
which I know better than anyone so I don’t say anything when she
squirts Sloe Gin out her nose wrecking my new paisley hip-huggers
in a laughing spasm because Ringo gets a sacrificial ring stuck on his
finger and a couple of bumbling scientists named Professor Foot and
Algernon chase the Beatles from Buckingham Palace to Switzerland
and I think the story is stupid even though John said something cool
in an interview about getting loaded while making the movie, “we
were smoking marijuana for breakfast ... and nobody could commu-
nicate with us because it was just four glazed eyes giggling” and then
I think about Phil and wonder if he gets a chance to laugh between
crouching in paddies and giving Juicy Fruit to Vietnamese kids with
missing limbs and just about that time Ziggy pukes in a box of but-
tered popcorn and I tell Don it’s time to go.
Phil
Hey Sexy,
As far as a Navy guy in your wallet, a shot of a
Zipperhead would be an improvement. We might
not be as bright and shiny as the squids, but
ground pounders are more proud of their grime
than squids are of their shine.
As far as taking care of myself, don’t worry.
4 dead buddies before breakfast is enough to make
anyone careful. The 4th guy caught a sniper round
in his chest during a fire mission.
We emptied his pockets:
pack of smokes, Black Jack gum,
an envelope postmarked Baton Rouge.
Dropped everything with the twisted dog tags
in a plastic bag and looped it around his wrist.
Me and Gunther wear AK47 Rounds as necklaces,
gook protection. Slipped rubbers over our rifle muzzles
to keep out rain. Can shoot through ’em.
Hell, I shouldn’t be writing about this stuff.
Phil
P.S. The radio is playing something about dudes
named McGuinn and McGuire who couldn’t
get no higher. Nice tune.
Cheryl
Ziggy leans against my locker:“Wanna cut class? My
brother’s across the street.”
I say, “Kramer’s giving a test.”
“Like I care.”
“I studied till two.”
“One zero. It’ll average in.”
“I get paid for As.”
Ziggy pops NoDoz and Sleep-Eze.
“Mick would have a fit if he saw you.”
“Who’s going to tell him?”
Not me.
“No one gets it. Enlisting was
like sleeping with some girl.”
I get it, Ziggy.
House Of Representatives
Mr. Bray (Republican, Indiana) speaks to a proposed bill adding 4
words to the Selective Service law “knowingly destroys, knowingly
mutilates” referring to draft registration and classification cards that
all men in the United States between the ages of 18 and 35 are required
to obtain and keep in their possession:
“The need for this legislation is clear. Beatniks and so-called
‘campus-cults’ have been publicly burning their draft cards to
demonstrate their contempt for the United States and our resistance
to Communist takeovers ... Just yesterday such a mob attacking the
United States and praising the Vietcong attempted to march on the
Capitol but were prevented by the police from forcibly moving into our
Chambers. They were led by a Yale University professor. They were
generally a filthy, sleazy beatnik gang ... This proposed legislation to
make it illegal to knowingly destroy or mutilate a draft card is only one
step in bringing some legal control over those who would destroy
American freedom.”
—The bill was brought to a vote and passed the House by 393 to 1 with 40 not voting on August 13, 1965.
—President Johnson signed the Bill into law on August 30, 1965.
Mickey
USS Hermitage LSD-34 Guantanamo Bay
Dear Cheryl,
I’m here in Cuba soaking up the sun.
The base is 45 square miles. Just like a city.
Civilians live in it and all that junk.
I’m standing watch on the back of the ship.
If I see anyone swimming it’s my job to find
out who they are and if they don’t answer up
I’m suppose to fire a shot in the water near them.
If they still don’t answer up I swear to god
I’m suppose to shoot to kill. This is an enemy
country. The base is only leased to us.
So far I haven’t killed anybody.
Love, Mickey
P.S. The cookies you sent were mostly crumbs
but the guys still appreciated them.
Phil
Dear Cheryl,
Did you know it’s possible to have
110% humidity without rain? It’s so hot
I sweat salt through my flak jacket,
which makes it heavier than the usual
6 pounds, 6 ounces.